With the help of a therapist, I have discovered that living as a closeted transgender individual has caused me to experience codependency in various ways. It’s important to note that not all closeted transgender individuals experience codependency, but there are common factors and dynamics that can contribute to this correlation, which can be experienced by anyone, but was certainly experienced by me. 

As a closeted transgender individual, I experienced a great deal of fear, shame, and anxiety related to my gender identity. This fear of rejection or discrimination led me to isolate myself emotionally and avoid discussing my true self with anyone. I believe this isolation contributed to codependency I have had in my life, I have learned through therapy, that I had no reliance on an any close individuals, so I became codependent on other things to ease my pain.

Seeking validation and approval from others to maintain a sense of self-worth is codependency. As a closeted transgender individual, I’m certain that I became codependent by relying heavily on a select few individuals, who didn’t know anything about my gender identity, but were able to provide validation for the hurting person I was. I felt compelled to please these individuals at the expense of my own needs and well-being.

Dealing with the stress and emotional turmoil of being closeted led me to an unhealthy coping mechanism of denial of my identity. I have come to recognize this behavior as codependent tendencies, as it involved prioritizing others’ needs over my own.

As a closeted transgender, I struggled with boundaries because for fear that asserting my true gender identity would result in rejection or conflict. This caused me to be enmeshed in codependent relationships where being loved and accepted for who I allowed myself to be as my life’s priority which was always addressing the feelings and norms set by others rather than my own. 

Many closeted transgender individuals rely heavily on a confidant or a small support network to share their feelings and experiences related to their gender identity. I didn’t have this kind of network because I didn’t trust anyone with my secret. Being raped by two men when I was ten crushed my ability to trust anyone with my deepest darkest secret. My only way of coping was seeking to be loved and accepted in a way in which my authentic self could remain protected. I learned a name for this kind of seeking of one and acceptance — codependence.

Part of my concern in studying how I have made decisions in my past is the possibility that my codependency may be the reason I have delayed my journey toward self-exploration and, eventually, transitioning. I have a deep fear of losing the support of codependent relationships and an even greater fear of causing discomfort to my loved ones which I believe has prevented me from taking steps to align with my true gender identity.

Both being closeted and experiencing codependency has had negative implications for my mental health. As a closeted transgender individual, I experienced and still experience higher levels of anxiety, depression, and dysphoria. Codependency, too, can lead to emotional distress and low self-esteem. My prayer is that this codependency can be resolved, which will allow me to flourish as a loving person.

It’s important to emphasize that breaking free from codependency and coming out as transgender can be intertwined. Seeking professional support, such as therapy and counseling, is essential for any individual who finds themselves in such situations. Therapy has helped me navigate the complexities of coming out, managing my codependent tendencies. Addressing all mental health challenges, I have faced and still face with professional help has been the smartest decision I have ever made.

I’d like to also point out that while there is a correlation between living as a closeted transgender individual and experiencing codependency, not all closeted transgender individuals will develop codependent relationships. However, the fear, isolation, and coping mechanisms associated with being closeted can contribute to codependency dynamics. Seek support, both for your potential gender identity and codependent tendencies if you face them. I’m convinced doing so is crucial for achieving a healthier, more authentic life.